Category

Adoption

Adoption, Family, Moms

Journey to the Center of Parenthood – continued…

Click here to read the first part of the Journey…

babyimage_royaltyfree2A year after our miscarriage my husband and I were still trying to get pregnant in the “normal” way. I was glued to the calendar and knew the exact days I could become pregnant, but to be sure we decided to make love nightly.
Being physical with your partner is a beautiful expression of your emotional connection. It takes what the heart sings and makes it physical. However, when the physical act becomes a “chore” to be performed regardless of your level of desire, exhaustion, emotional distress or any other thing that may interfere, it is no longer an act of love, it’s a job.
As months pass without getting pregnant, the darker emotions take over. Anger, jealousy, envy and ultimately the hurt creep in and steal your heart. We knew people who could sneeze and get pregnant, people who had not one but multiple “woopsies” that resulted in beautiful children.
Also crashing down on us was the usual “when are you two going to have a baby?” from family and friends. Parents in particular can be an emotional land mine when navigating their well-meant queries about when we were going to make them grandparents. Piled on even thicker were the “well-wishers.” I dreaded hearing “just RELAX and it’ll happen.” Harder still, people around us were having babies like they were the new “it” item of the season. I was devastated; my husband remained strong.
I finally asked my physician to refer us to a fertility doctor. I was ashamed and embarrassed that I could not give my husband a baby. Hence began our foray into the world of fertility treatments.
babyimage_royaltyfree5First up was fertility testing to see what the actual problem was. I was tested, as was my husband, to which the doctor announced that my husband was an Olympian in the fertility department while my hormone levels were rapidly decreasing and due to extremely heavy menstrual cycles I was dangerously low on iron. I did not have any physical blockage but I was not ovulating on a regular basis.
After discussing the types of treatments available, we decided to start at the shallow end of the pool with IUI (intrauterine insemination) before doing IVF (in vitro fertilization) hence the shots began. I was doing a hormone shot every day before I did a “booster” shot to have my eggs drop. My husband had to give them semen and I had to give myself shots–shots that altered my mood, gave me bruises and made me irrationally think that I was a horrible person and was being punished. And the cost, the cost is astronomical. The doctor is thousands of dollars, up front thank you very much. The hormones are massively expensive and with the exception of the initial exams, NOTHING was covered by our insurance. We were solely responsible for any financial incurrence.
Much to our delight, I became pregnant with the first IUI treatment cycle. We decided to be reserved emotionally about the pregnancy as it may not end well. It didn’t. At my 8 week checkup the doctor let me know that the fetus had stopped developing and I was in a miscarriage situation. Once again, we were devastated. This time I decided to miscarry at home and not do a DNC. That was a huge mistake; I would never advise anyone to do this. I know some women don’t have a choice, but I did and for me it was a bad choice. The physical pain ended after 4 days but the emotional pain cut even deeper than the first time.
My husband and I made the decision to cease fertility treatments. Not only is it financially crippling, it takes an untold emotional price when it fails. Since I was adopted and my husband’s sister was adopted our next obvious choice was adoption.
beach-323454_1280 (1)We began the adoption process soon after our decision. The process is straight forward. The paper work is daunting, but it’s the emotions that are harder to navigate. We are now officially on the waiting list. It took us 2 years to fully work through the emotions, to work out the anger and disappoint and to get back into a healthy head space.
We are now waiting; we were warned by the adoption agency that this period of time would be the hardest of all, but at the end of the wait we would receive a brand new addition to our family. So now we wait, but with joy and anticipation. We gleefully look at baby furniture, baby clothes, recite baby names and contemplate what items we need initially and later.
Best of all, my husband and I no longer carry our emotional “baby” baggage and us making love?…It’s no longer a job.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kathleen and David in utahAbout the author: Kathleen Littell spent 17 years working in massage therapy at Las Vegas resort spas as well as in management. After her massage career she moved into post-secondary education and mental health. Now Kathleen is a freelance writer and CEO of a company run side by side with her husband. Together they rescue animals, especially Beagles and look forward to the day they become parents. You can reach Kathleen at kathlittell@nuvibrance.com

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Adoption, Moms

November Is National Adoption Month

The first time I held bodacious Baby D.

Did you know that November is National Adoption Month? As you think about building or expanding your family, consider adoption!

My husband, Larry, and I adopted our oldest son in 2001. Although I would do it again in a heartbeat, you should know that the process involves a lot of details.

The first time I held bodacious Baby D.

The first time I held bodacious Baby D.

Many of you may know of a child who was adopted from another country like China, Russia, or Guatemala. There are also children available for adoption domestically.

Domestic adoptions can be public (i.e., foster care) or private. For private adoptions you could go through a licensed agency, or through some sort of broker like a physician or attorney. These are all different processes.

In any case, you will undergo a home study before the child is placed in your home. The adoption will be finalized several months later, and you are legally all a family! At the finalization proceedings, the judge reminded us with a wink and a smile that we are now forever Daniel’s parents – even when he starts to drive.

Public Adoption

More than 100,000 children and youth in the U.S. foster care system are awaiting permanent families. National Adoption Month is a time to raise awareness about the adoption of children and youth from foster care. For more information about National Adoption Month, visit here.

Clark County Department of Family Services is Las Vegas’ public agency tasked to help keep children safe. Becoming a foster parent is one possible road to parenthood. Most children in foster care are there temporarily before reuniting with their biological families. However, some children will need adoptive homes because their biological parents’ rights are terminated. For more information, click here.

Private Adoption

In private adoptions, the children are not necessarily from risky situations. Rather, these are times when a biological mom and dad choose to place their baby for adoption. Often this is due to socioeconomic factors or the biological parents being too young to raise a child.

An adoption may be coordinated through a licensed adoption agency. Or if you learn of an available child through personal contacts (e.g., your physician, your church, or an attorney) then a family law attorney may handle the details.

For more information about adopting within the Las Vegas area, here are some options:

Clark County Department of Family Services

Catholic Charities of Southern Nevada

Jewish Family Services Agency

Adoption Alliance

RESOLVE is a national organization that helps improve the lives of women and men living with infertility. This is a great place to start if you are thinking about adoption due to your and/or your partner’s infertility, but are still processing all your feelings and options. Although a national organization, RESOLVE offers a local support group.

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Journey to the Center of Parenthood – continued…
March 24, 2015